This Is War
by StayGawldPonyboy
Summary: Most people enjoy their high school years by joining clubs, partying, and graduating. I was busy handling an AK-47, hand grenades, and RPGs. I dealt with slaughtering people mercilessly, watching without remorse when blood splattered everywhere. My friends died in front of me, dropping like flies, until I couldn't take it anymore. T for Violence, Language, etc.
1. Wake Me Up When September Ends

I shut my locker with a huge smile on my face. I don't why but I had a good feeling about today. Maybe I was finally going to get a good grade in my math class or History wouldn't bore me to death. Being a sophomore put a lot of stress on my shoulders. I can't even begin to imagine how senior year will go. I'll die in a pile of book work, I'm telling you. My friends told me I was too much of a bookworm, too trapped in the fantasy worlds I escaped to in the novels. I didn't care. What was so bad about reading? Mom always told me it helps the imagination. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked beside me in surprise. Whoever it was certainly startled me. I swear I jumped over a foot high.

"Lana!" I laughed, punching my friend in the arm. "You scared me half to death, man."

She squeezed my shoulder and began walking me to Math class. The bell had rung but I didn't hear it. I was zoning out again, I guess.

"Maybe if you weren't daydreaming, you would've heard me calling your name, Vanessa." Lana said, pinching my cheek.

Math went by pretty quickly for once and my notions were correct. I definitely did get a passing grade on my quiz and I almost literally jumped for joy. Lana always reminded me that I was one hell of an optimist. Put me in a room with my worst enemies and I'll keep a big smile on my face, trying to figure out how to make them friends. She said it was a gift from the heavens. What a bunch of bologna.

History was next, unfortunately. We had a long lecture ahead for Genghis Khan, one of the Mongolians or something. I never paid much attention in History since I got the notes from Lana later. I don't know how she can possibly stay awake in a class where even the most sugar-high kid in the world would drop dead. Maybe that was her gift from the heavens. I snickered at the idea as I took my normal seat. Lana sat on my right and Robert, one of my buddies from Science, on my left. I had a few other friends in this class. What, did you think I only had two friends? I wasn't Miss Popularity or anything but I made friends easily enough. Just be nice, momma always told me. I spotted Matt, one of the football players, staring at Mr. Teasdale with dead eyes as the man droned on and on about this Khan guy. I could easily understand why.

"Now when this killing started," I yawned, twitching in my seat when Robert pinched me. I hope he was just trying to keep me awake. "It would last for days, weeks, even months. And it went on, until the young son of the Khan asked his father that the last creature alive would be…" Mr. Teasdale slowed down, which was strange.

He began walking toward the windows at the back of the classroom. My eyes followed him, as did everyone else's. I couldn't hear him talk anymore when I saw the parachutes. I looked over at Lana, who gave me a confused shrug. Her lips started moving but I couldn't hear anything. Was she even talking? I heard Matt make a few comments about the paratroopers looking pretty damn cool. I squinted and tried hard to see it, but to me there just wasn't anything cool about it. My leg started trembling and I couldn't tell if it was just involuntary or because I was scared. Robert made a suggestion for Mr. Teasdale to do something about it. The man nodded and walked outside, leaving us. I was a worried mess. Maybe it was just nothing. Maybe they were just U.S paratroopers that were training and got blown off-course. Yeah, that was probably it. My good feelings about today faded away fairly quickly. Lana dragged me up from my chair to watch from the windows at the back of the classroom. I watched as Mr. Teasdale walked cautiously toward the paratroopers, who were now getting guns. I swallowed back a lump in my throat and before I could even blink, my History teacher was down on the ground with blood from bullet holes staining his shirt. I was in a daze. Am I dreaming? I felt someone pull me down and when I came to, I realized it was Aardvark. I looked for Lana in the few bodies strewn halfway out of the classroom through the windows. My breakfast could barely stay down as I recognized the pink, bloodstained jacket she wore that day.

My legs wouldn't let me move properly. I mentally screamed at myself to run and never look back but a part of me wanted to grab Lana. Aardvark wouldn't let go of my arm and dragged me out of the building from the front entrance. He yelled at me, begging me to cooperate and move. I suddenly took in everything that was happening and some sort of adrenaline rush took over me. I regained control of my legs and ran alongside my friend, who tossed me over to the most snot-nosed kid in the school. But I took Daryl's hand anyway and pulled myself into the bed of a rusted, blue pickup truck. Matt managed to make it in through the front and ride shotgun. Didn't Matt's older brother drive this car? I couldn't remember. We grabbed and pulled Aardvark and some other kid into the bed as we drove past him and swerved away from the massacre.

"Stay down!"

Everything was blurry and my face was hot. Was I crying? I couldn't feel the tears stream but my hand was wet when I pulled it away from wiping my face. I couldn't help but think about Lana. She was the only friend I've known since grade school. We were so close, like sisters, and now she was gone. How was I going to deal with that? I grabbed the side of the bed, suddenly overwhelmed by car sickness, and emptied my stomach. I think I might have hit a few soldiers with half-digested eggs and toast. I wiped my mouth and quickly crawled back, squeezing into a space between Robert and Aardvark. I guess I was still crying since my face was still hot. My hands were numb and all I could hear was the sound of bullets ripping through air and missing us only by a few inches or feet. We roared through town, Matt's older brother, Jed, probably stomping on the gas. A man who I could only recognize by the blur of his face, screamed for Aardvark. He was being held back by soldiers when we went by.

"Papa!" Danny, who was the kid I couldn't recognize earlier, grabbed Aardvark by the jacket and tried pulling him down. "Papa! That's my dad!" The truck didn't slow down, even when he tried to jump out of the bed. Danny held Aardvark back and pulled him down to keep from getting hit by stray bullets.

When I finally caught my breath, I ran a hand through my hair. Oh my god. We were just out of town, going down the highway. Jed had slowed down but was still speeding. Aardvark, Danny, Robert, Daryl and I were squeezed tight into the bed. I tried to keep myself as close to the side as possible, just in case my stomach didn't cooperate. I squinted, the sun glaring into my eyes.

"Oh my god. Oh my god." I managed to whisper to myself. "I need a smoke."

Mom would always tell me smoking was bad for my health. I didn't smoke regularly, just when things were stressing me out. I put a hand on my forehead and tried to pray. I wanted to go back home and hope my parents were still alive. It seemed as though I was a zombie when Robert wouldn't stop yelling 'dad'. I couldn't process anything very well today. Was I going through shock? Great, I wanted to be a nurse and I couldn't even diagnose myself. Robert swung himself out of the bed when we arrived to Morris Market on the highway and grabbed onto his dad. He was talking so fast and nervously, overlapping his father's questions. I felt dizzy just hearing him. I jumped out of the bed, steadying myself. Jed stepped out of the driver's seat and walked in front of the truck.

"We're heading to mountains. We're getting out of here."

The mountains? Was he crazy? I shook my head and cleared my mind.

"I heard some of them speaking in Spanish, Mr. Morris." My tongue was luckily deciding not to get twisted and make me trip over my words.

I didn't want to hear anything else. God why? Why Calumet? Why couldn't it have been somewhere else, like Canada? I desperately wanted to get out of this as quickly as I got into it. I took a step back when an explosion went off in town, bumping against the back of the truck.

"Boys," Mr. Morris was obviously not referring to me. Maybe he was. I don't know. "I want you to get in there and get sleeping bags and food."

I didn't even want to wait. I ran inside and grabbed everything I could find. Right then, it didn't matter to me if it was perishable or not. Sleeping bags, cans of soup, hunting knives, soda cans, and just about everything else went through my fingers to the boys. They carried most of it and placed it on the bed of the truck. Without thinking, I grabbed some feminine items and stuffed them into a backpack I had grabbed. A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. When I walked out of the shop in a hurry, Danny pulled me down. I trembled, wondering what sort of trouble was hunting us now. I watched as a helicopter flew by. I bit down on my lip, tasting metal.

"Is it ours?" Mr. Morris asked. All of us were thinking the exact same question.

A few agonizing seconds passed and we boarded the truck. Jed, Daryl, and Matt got into the front, giving the rest of us some room for the supplies in the bed. Robert exchanged a rather heartfelt goodbye with his dad and I couldn't help but get tears in my eyes. I wish I had a chance to say a last goodbye to my parents.

"I'll take care of him." I heard Jed say. I hope he takes care of all of us.

"Now, don't come back here. No matter what you see or hear, don't come back. I'll come and get you soon enough."

What if soon enough was too far away? Would we be dead by then? Jed sped down the dirt highway, where we went over a good share of potholes. I held a rifle in my fingers. It would be the first time I ever held a gun and was ready to shoot anyone who dared try to harm us. I breathed through my mouth in small and quick inhales and long, satisfying exhales. Robert seemed heartbroken, Danny was freaking out, and Aardvark was pointing a shotgun over the roof of the truck. He was keeping an eye out for any trouble before the rest of us saw it. I couldn't even process what was happening when the truck took a sharp turn and caused me to involuntarily jump clean out of my spot and land right on top of Robert's back. I couldn't care less about myself; I just hope I didn't crush the poor guy's back. I rolled off when the truck bounced again, this time landing on my own back as a mini-explosion happened right next to us. The truck rolled to a stop when the smoke engulfed us. I coughed and waved it away.

"It's a helicopter!"

There was a helicopter and you wouldn't believe the joy we experienced when we figured out it was ours. It destroyed the roadblock and all we did was cheer. I think the initial shock was beginning to wear out at this point. Jed drove us deeper into the fields until we finally were forced to stop. I heard something about the radiator. Danny and Matt were watching as Jed checked under the hood. Daryl was standing on the other side of the truck. I stayed in the bed of the truck, leaning over the side as Robert stood beside me on the ground, looking through binoculars and Aardvark stood with a shotgun in hand. I don't even know what he was looking for. Helicopters, maybe? I sighed. If Lana were here, she would've made everything better. She was even better than I was at cheering people up. In a sudden bout of I don't know what; I grabbed the binoculars from Robert.

"Hey!" He protested.

I took a ten second look through them, trying to find anything that could possibly help us. When I found nothing, I tossed them back to Robert. He grimaced at me. Robbie was always a weird kid. He was nice and tolerable but he had a thing for blood and gore. I think his parents let him watch too many horror movies as a kid.

"You look like a zombie." Robert gestured at my face, snickering.

I was about to snap at him but my mind automatically soothed me. I had the gift of immense patience and I could put up with anything unless it went on for way too long. I forced a smile but didn't say a word. I figured silence was golden. Robert got annoyed fairly quickly, and I just happened to notice how pretty his eyes got when a hint of anger crossed by them.

**A/N: Just wanted to thank you, the reader, for even clicking on my FF. I love you 3. I would really appreciate it if you left me a review :). It's real easy; just click on the Review button below and type your opinion! Thank You Again! xx**


	2. Silence Is Golden

It took the whole night to make it up to the mountains. I was surprised the truck didn't get knocked over backwards by all the sloped terrain we had to get through. My stomach churned at almost every turn, and maybe I lost a bit too much of whatever was left in my stomach. Maybe the next thing I would throw up would be the organ itself. Did you know some frogs can do that? Pretty nasty, I know. It was a bumpy but quiet ride, besides all of the frantic talk from Danny and disgusting noises I made when I retched. I wasn't used to all the blood and death. I was never really one to even look at it, let alone stand it. I held onto my rifle tighter, pointing it in front of me just in case any of those soldiers came by. How do you even shoot a gun? I know you pull the trigger and all that but, this one seemed a bit too complicated for me. There was some sort of lever on the side of it and no safety. I was used to only seeing pistols back home; Never anything this fancy.

"What about our families, huh?" Oh no. Danny seemed to start hyperventilating. "What about them?"

I bit into a chocolate bar I took from the Morris Market, taking small nibbles at a time. We were in a safe spot, where I could finally crawl out of the bed and lean against a tree, feeling the autumn air gently flow by. Jed was getting a fire started, snapping twigs on his knee. Daryl was switching from one foot to the other, staying in place. He was nervous but yet again, we all were. Matt and Aardvark paced around the camp while Danny and Robert were huddled under a tree. I chewed the sweet chocolate slowly, savoring most of it. This would probably be the last one I would ever have to myself again. I knew we had to ration or else we would run out of food quicker than we could blink and say butterscotch.

"We got to stay up here and hide a while." Robert tried in vain to calm Danny down but the kid had some panic attack issues.

"I just want to go home."

It's funny how I used to throw those six words around at school whenever I was too bored or felt sick. I mean I could just skip class and grab the notes from one of my friends. Now it was much more serious. We couldn't go home. Not under these circumstances when we could get shot down like animals during a hunt. What would those soldiers care? We're just a bunch of kids. If they didn't kill us, then they'd make us wish we were killed. I've seen all of those war movies. I know how it goes. There's always someone that dies in the long run.

"I don't want to hide. If I hide, they'll never find me."

I sighed, kneeling down next to the kid. He was younger than me, maybe by a year or a couple months. I offered him the rest of my chocolate bar; silently wishing it would make him shut up. It's not that I didn't like him or anything. Some of us just needed to think without all of the ranting in the background. Danny looked at me with eyes the size of a doe's before reluctantly taking the candy. Mom and Lana used to tell me that I was real good at calming people down at least to a certain extent. I heard some rattling and turned to face Jed, who was holding up a busted radio. A bullet was lodged straight into it, probably taking out the battery.

"Check it out," Jed caught everyone else's attention at that. "Stopped a bullet that would've, uh, hit somebody."

Talk about luck. Jed threw the radio down, declaring it useless. Robert began to reach under his jacket, grabbing a pair of headphones. I blinked in confusion. What were we going to use those for?

"I got these," He declared, a smile playing on his lips.

I was about to tell him in the nicest way possible that they wouldn't be needed but snooty, know-it-all Daryl started talking first. I huffed. I think he was the only person I never really liked. He was so stuck up and inconsiderate of others. It, for lack of a better word, disgusted me.

"Yeah, those will do us a lot of good." He said, sarcasm dripping from every word. Robert, upset and looking defeated, tucked the headphones back around his neck. "We've got no radio. I mean how do you think we're going to survive up here on olives and Rice Krispies?"

I stood up, stretching my legs, and leaning against the tree Robert and Danny were under. Daryl always complained and was too much of a pessimist for my tastes. He could never see the bright side of things, even when the sun was shining and he was lucky enough to buy whatever he wanted. He was the mayor's son, which made him pretty much the most popular guy in school. Sometimes it was for the right reasons, sometimes it wasn't. Robert and I used to make faces behind his back last year in Math and tell all of these stupid jokes that occasionally just emptied themselves from our vocabulary. I just realized I've barely talked. I've said one sentence and that was to Mr. Morris. I surprised myself. Normally I'm one heck of a motor mouth. I could never stop talking.

"What else are we going to do?" Aardvark asked.

I looked back to Daryl, who staggered a bit, before making up his mind about something. I waited for a few seconds. He took and a deep breath and…

"As Calumet student body president, I forward the motion that we give ourselves up."

What the hell is going through this guy's mind?

"I-I second the notion." Danny jumped to his feet. "We-We can't stay here. We need stuff and-"

Jed broke another stick on his knee. I don't know why but the sound of it snapping in half seemed louder to me this time. "Sit down, Danny." He said harshly. "You're not going anywhere. It's too dangerous to go into town."

I nodded rapidly, making small noises of agreement. He was right. Like I said before, we'd be slaughtered ruthlessly. They'd hang our heads over their mantles and gloat about how they killed us. The image made me shudder and swallow hard.

"I say we vote on it." Daryl retorted.

"No."

"This isn't the big game, Mr. Quarterback. He can go wherever he wants."

Jed stood up, looking angry. Great. Why did they have to fight? Why couldn't they just settle their differences in a gentleman-like way? I didn't bother listening to their argument but sure enough, they got into a fight. Daryl swung at Jed first, punching his arm. I'm guessing Jed didn't take that too lightly and a mini brawl broke out. I winced when Jed threw Daryl down on the ground. He hit the ground with a loud thud and Jed threw a backpack at him. I bit my lip. I wanted to say something but I was scared I would get yelled at. Gosh, getting yelled at was something I wouldn't stand for. It just irked me for some reason.

"You want to go so bad, here," The backpack hit Daryl on the back, bouncing beside him. "Haul ass and take your shit." The former Quarterback turned to face us. "That goes for the rest of you. This is your chance. Get walking."

I made a noise from the back of my throat that sounded something like a yelp and pulled the fabric of my jacket up to cover part of my face. I took note of the fact that Jed was one to get angry fairly quickly. This meant I wouldn't be talking back to him about anything and I would respect any and all of his decisions.

"It is World War III down there. People are getting killed. Those could be Russians."

If he had to pick a choice of words that would make me get emotional, it had to be those. We had been warned, almost promised, that the Russians would come invade America sooner or later. All of us were paranoid messes; glancing over our shoulders just to make sure they weren't here yet. I pulled down my jacket from my face, but dug my hands deeper into my sleeves. Should I start writing a will now or should I wait until I'm halfway dead? Danny asked about Jed's family, trying to make a point.

"I don't know." Jed said, throwing down a stick. "But I'm alive. And I'm staying here. My family would want me to stay alive. Your family would want to stay alive. You think you're so smart, man, but you're just a bunch of scared kids."

He could see right through us. I guess I showed more fear than anyone else but through the manly shells, these guys were just as frightened as I was.

"What do you think you are?" I asked, grabbing everyone's attention. What? Was it really that long since I've spoken?

"I don't know." Jed kicked at the dirt. "Alone, I guess."

Matt stepped forward and walked toward his brother. "No you're not." He placed a hand on Jed's shoulder and then raised the other for a brotherly handshake. "What do you say?"

Jed smiled and grabbed Matt into a hug. Despite all of what just happened, I couldn't help but smile. Robert suddenly stepped forward toward the brothers and I followed close behind. I was with them as an ally and friend. I wouldn't be able to survive without them and that was the truth. I've never had any hunting experience, I was a bit out of shape and I've never pointed a gun at someone.

"I'm with you." Robert spoke for both of us. I nodded.

"Alright," Jed patted my shoulder then turned to Aardvark, Danny and Daryl. "Now the rest of you get going." None of them moved. "Alright but if you stay, you're going to do exactly what I say, okay? Huh?"

Aardvark piped in. "Yeah."

Jed and Daryl shook hands after we all gathered around the fire. They apologized and I swear it was one of the rarest things I was going to see in my life again. Two guys, full of pride, saying sorry to each other. I could almost laugh at it. Jed went on about how he and Matt came up with their dad to these mountains all of the time. I only caught bits and pieces of what he was saying.

"We can stay up here a long, long time." He stared into the fire.

"How long, Jed?" Robert asked.

The sound of a plane or a helicopter boomed over us. I cowered into my jacket. I really needed to get myself together before I chicken out and hide under a rock for the remainder of this.

"Until we don't hear that no more."


	3. Somebody's Gotta Do It

The last few weeks of September passed as slowly as a snail traveling through peanut butter. I was stuck with the assignment of washing pans and cooking. I was treated like the normal house wife, greeted with a good morning and good night by everyone. The boys knew I wouldn't answer back but sometimes they talked to me, keeping a conversation going. They would know I was listening because of my consistent nods or change of expression. Besides, I wouldn't just ignore someone like that. I might have a habit of daydreaming or zoning out but I'd never purposefully ignore anyone. Matt and Jed, who had been basically raised in these mountains, hunted every day since we've gotten here. There were times where they would bring in some small animals but never a buck or a bear, like I expected. Luckily for me and my weak stomach, they would toss the carcass to Robert who would skin and gut it before handing me the meat. I never watched him do it. I would barf up olives and candy, which is never a pretty sight.

See, I don't get how some girls wouldn't care about killing defenseless animals and skinning them without second thought. I don't know how some girls can be one of the boys so easily. I went through a tomboy phase when I was hitting my early teens. I liked getting down in the dirt, riding in rodeos, and generally being one of the guys. When I turned fourteen, I realized I didn't really like all of that and I was more of a shopping kind of girl. Sure, I ran track and played some Softball but I was off-season. I'm out of shape, and in no condition to go killing animals or people. I eyed the rifle sitting next to me. I always kept it there just in case the Russians found our camp. I'd rather put up a fight and die trying than to just sit there and let the men do the work for me. I appreciated chivalry but I wasn't about to be seen as a weakling. I think I've lost my chance to regain my reputation as a tough girl, considering my voluntary muteness and silent agreeing to wash pans and cook raw meat. I jumped when I heard a gunshot coming from some place far away. Aardvark muttered something about the hunting trio finally grabbing a kill. They had been gone for a few hours which was the norm.

Night came by quicker than expected. It was colder now and my jacket couldn't keep me warm by itself anymore. We had grabbed a few coats from the store a few weeks ago but they were all so big on me. Gosh, I should've hit my growth spurt earlier. I sat down by the fire that I had started using a lighter before starting up a cigarette. I was a nervous train wreck and I had eaten already. I watched and took a long drag from the cancer stick hanging out of my mouth as Daryl emptied the last can of soup into a pan over the fire. How did we go through all the food we grabbed so quickly?

"That's the last of it," Daryl said. "Except for the olives."

"We still got plenty of meat left." Matt piped in.

"Just stuff you shot." Danny didn't seem to like the idea of hunting and eating your game.

"So tell me, dork, where do you think hamburgers come from?"

You know that urge where you just want to elbow someone right in the ribs and tell them to shut up? Yeah, I have that feeling right now. I took another drag on my cigarette, puffing out a line of smoke and dropping the ashes in the fire.

"Nobody shoots 'em." Danny said.

I grabbed Matt's sleeve and shot him a look. He needed to just drop it. I don't want any of us having arguments. You know what arguments lead to? Fist fights. And those lead to people getting hurt. Sure, I knew a few things about patching people up but I'm not about to pull out a first-aid kit when they were the ones who instigated the rumble. Matt scoffed and yanked his arm away. I took another drag, coughing when I blew out the smoke. I did nothing but blame the cold for that.

"We need food." There was Daryl again, taking Danny's side as always. "We need to know."

He's not suggesting we go back into town, is he? We'd be killed. What doesn't he understand about that?

"Yeah. We do." Not Aardvark too.

A brief moment of silence took over us. I threw my cigarette into the fire and waited patiently.

"Alright." Jed said. "We'll go into town."

No, I object. I'm staying right here, where my ass is planted firmly on the ground. If they wanted to get murdered, then it was fine by me. I would stay up here and die of hunger instead of having bullets ripping through my body. I looked to Robert, who was my go-to guy for everything since we've gotten here. He just shrugged, poking at the fire with a stick. So he wanted to go too? I guess I would too if I was him. I would want to know where my parents were if I had still had an ounce of hope left for them. But I didn't. I knew for sure they were either dead or being tortured. They would've kidnapped my little sister and taken advantage of her. I bit my lip. I shouldn't have thrown my last cigarette away so soon.

I think I had to thank God when I wasn't dragged along to go into town. I was allowed to sleep in and take a step toward not looking like a raccoon anymore. The dark bags under my eyes were constantly commented on for the past week, mostly by Robert. He was my friend but damn, he knew how to be an asshole and make fun of things he knew I was self-conscious about. None of the other guys stopped him but at least they were kind enough not to laugh. I'm a nice enough person to forgive and forget. I've never held a grudge before and I don't intend to start now when staying friends is a big part of our survival. If we hate each other then we might as well just kiss our lives goodbye and start digging graves. I lagged around camp all day, cleaning up after the boys. I picked up Robert's 'Star Wars' cap and slapped it against my leg. It was covered in dirt from all the wind blowing through and since I figured he loved it so much, I cleaned it up for him and hung it on a low tree branch. Aardvark, Danny and Daryl didn't do much either. They either slept, held a short conversation or slept some more. It would be a full day and a half before Jed, Robert and Matt would come back.

I was pleasantly surprised when they came back riding on horses, with much more supplies and new additions to our group. I smiled when I, in the moonlight, recognized them as girls. I watched them all dismount and was unfortunately left with the job of hitching the horses up. It was more difficult than it seemed. Two of the horses were as stubborn as mules and wouldn't budge until I yanked hard on their reins. When I finally took a seat next to Robert as usual around the campfire, I noticed something was wrong. The radio was on, talking about someone having a long mustache and chairs being against walls. Robert was quiet, which I didn't quite understand. As a matter of fact, everyone was quiet. Was this some sort of joke? Why was no one talking? Daryl suddenly took a seat on Robert's other side, on the log behind us, and patted the kid on the shoulder. Robert started to cry into Daryl's knee. I was confused and hurt. What didn't I know that everyone else did? I looked to Jed and Matt, who just stared at each other before averting their gaze back to the fire. The two girls, who I've yet to learn their names, were sitting beside each other. The one with the darker, longer hair shook her head.

"Things are different now." She said.

Jed sent us all to sleep after a few more minutes of silence. We set up our sleeping bags like normal but instead of being in the middle of the camp and by myself, I dragged my sleeping bag beside Robert's. He was the first to lie down and pretend to sleep. After crawling inside my bag, I propped myself up on my elbow. I could still hear him sniffle audibly. I cleared my throat and swallowed.

"What happened?" I whispered, causing the sniffs to end temporarily.

"I-I ain't got nobody now." Robert whispered back, sounding drained.

After a few seconds of thinking about what he meant, sudden emotion came over me. His parents were dead. God, the kid didn't deserve that punch in the gut. He loved his mom and dad through thick and thin. I should know since I knew the family personally. One of the horses nearby began to stomp its hoof, causing a chill to go down my spine in paranoia. I placed a careful hand on Robert's shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

Next thing I knew, the air was being forcibly pushed out of my body. Robert always did give really big bear hugs that could knock the wind out of anyone. I couldn't do anything else but hug him back. I kept apologizing for his loss and he kept telling me to shut up about it. I ran my hand through his hair and that seemed to soothe him. We've been friends for so long that it just didn't matter what we did to each other or how intimate we got. We'd still be friends. Even though sometimes I do imagine if things were different. We were described by our peers as best friends that behaved like a married couple. Sure, we would bicker and insult each other but it was all in good fun and we always laughed about it later. I never really understood why we were regarded as such and I still don't. Maybe I'm just oblivious to something right under my nose or there's nothing there. I don't know how long the two of us stayed huddled together but I had to admit that I didn't mind the extra heat I was getting. My eyelids started to droop and my sense of awareness got less sharp as the seconds ticked by until everything went dark.

"Vanessa," Aardvark whined. Couldn't he see I was doing the best I can?

It took a long time to cook breakfast and he knew that. Impatient was always something Aardvark was. He hated waiting, especially if it was time to eat. He expected his food to be done at a certain time every day. The two girls, who Jed introduced as Toni and Erica, sat together and watched me cook. Jed, Matt and Robert had gotten some supplies from Mr. Mason, who didn't live too far from the mountains, therefore giving us a bigger stock of food. I had two extra mouths to feed now and it wouldn't be easy to ration everything. Daryl and Danny had gone off to go scout for any soldiers heading up here. The rifle I normally kept beside me was gone. Robert had grabbed it and was holding it protectively as he leaned on a nearby tree. If we were attacked I don't even think I would use a weapon. I'd be of better use as a medic or a diversion than an offensive team player. I'd miss every shot and take too long to reload. From what I'm guessing, if I try to handle a weapon, I'll be the first to go.

"Vanessa," Jed suddenly caught my attention and Robert's too, apparently. "Take all the med kits and put them in your backpack."

I didn't quite understand why he wanted me to do it but I didn't dare ask. I just did as I was told. I was halfway through packing when Danny and Daryl came racing back to camp. There was going to be trouble if they were coming back so quickly. I nearly died of shock when they confirmed that there were soldiers coming up here. The boys all grabbed guns; Ak-47's, Hunting Rifles, and a Shotgun. Daryl was the only one who didn't grab a gun but a bow and arrow. God I hope he knows how to use that. Jed told me to specifically stay behind us and to bring my backpack, to be more safe than sorry should anything happen. It didn't take us to long to arrive at the location specified by Daryl and Danny. Toni, Erika and Danny positioned themselves at the side of the mountain, keeping themselves between giant rocks in order to be concealed. The rest of us hid in the trees, the boys armed with guns and I with a pack full of what we needed for any kind of non-fatal wound. I moved with the boys but stayed behind them. Jed said that they couldn't afford to lose someone with knowledge about treating wounds. He said it as if I were some professional doctor or something. I could barely even see blood without passing out.

I didn't do much, just stand around and hear for any cries of pain. This may sound crazy but I was kind of disappointed that no one got hurt. I was hoping to use my mediocre medical skills and show off what I had. I was a bit of an overachiever and I took a lot of classes on health. You know, the usual CPR and First-Aid. I took a summer course that taught me how to treat a big, open wound or a missing limb. What they didn't teach me though, was how to save someone's life. I didn't know how to perform surgery or wounds deeper than three inches, nor did I have the tools. Let's hope that no one accidentally pulls the trigger of the shotgun and shoots themselves in the foot.

"They were people," Danny suddenly spoke up.

The kid was guilty for everything he did, no matter how big or small. Robert seemed to hack the saw at a faster pace into the barrel.

"Yeah, well, so was my dad."

My heart broke into a million pieces again. I needed a cigarette but we were all out and I couldn't just go and buy some more. I could only wish.

"What was it like?" Aardvark asked.

Robert stopped sawing and looked over at Aardvark with an almost sadistic grin. "It was good." He continued sawing again, that grin staying in place.

If there was one thing I was always worried about with Robert was his sanity. He'd never admit it but he's a sensitive guy. Now that he's lost almost everything near and dear to him, I'm afraid he'll jump off the deep end. There's always a loony bin in the war movies.

"One thing's for sure now," Jed started. "We won't ever go home again. Never."

I sighed, staring past everything to gaze at the dark sky. I don't think I've ever seen so many twinkling stars in just one spot. I could barely make out what was supposed to be Ursa Major, or the Big Dipper, but the North Star stuck out like a sore thumb. I used to be a Girl Scout back in my kid years and the counselors always told us that the North Star would help us go anywhere we wanted to. It was a lie but, as a kid, I used to believe it. Maybe one day I should try walking in that direction and see where I end up. That is, if I survive this war.

"Why don't you make yourself useful?" I heard Matt ask someone. I turned around to look at him.

"Why don't you wash it?" Erica smacked the pans out of his hand, knocking them on the ground in a fit of rage. "We're never doing your washing again. Me and her are just as good as any of you."

And then Matt asked the worst question a man could ever ask a young lady. "So what's up your ass?"

Erica went ballistic on him, I tell you. She wouldn't stop hitting him and kept threatening to kill him. Even Jed felt scared. We all stared at the mini one-sided fight. Matt, being the insensitive idiot, scoffed.

"So what did I do?" He asked his brother.

"What you said was wrong." Toni leaned in with a poisonous look on her face.

Wow, I'm going to have to respect these young ladies too. I would never be able to stand up to the guys and say that. I stood up, stretching my legs, and took the pans from where they were thrown down. Erika and Toni both gave me a look behind their glares. They didn't want me listening to anything the boys said anymore. I shrugged.

"Someone's got to do it." I said, yawning.


	4. Tell You What

"Do you think it'll ever go back to the way it was?" Danny asked, picking at some invisible thing on his sleeve.

I dropped my hand from my face, where I was wiping dirt away, and eyed him. I didn't know what I was doing but it seemed to scare the kid. Maybe I looked angry, I don't know. I sighed and relaxed, slouching for once in weeks. My back ached from sitting and standing straight. I shrugged, thinking of a good way to answer the kid's question. I really didn't think we'd make it out alive to even see what happens but I couldn't tell Danny that. I'd get yelled at for making him have another panic attack. Everyone's been on edge lately, and I guess I was too. I didn't like getting yelled at for accidentally dropping a small box of bullets or not washing something properly. I was tired and sick. Without warning, I sneezed, scaring the tar out of Danny.

"Sorry," I sniffed, wiping my nose. "I don't know, man. Maybe we'll win the war. Maybe we won't."

Short and simple was always my best bet when I talked to Danny. He was a good kid, smart and kind, but he was a nervous wreck. No one could directly tell him that wouldn't survive, no matter how long we stayed away from the fights. I had a gut feeling that he would make it out, though. He actually cared about who we killed while the rest of us took care of them without remorse. He still had the same amount of sanity. The rest of us were losing ours. Robert seemed to have flown over the cuckoo's nest already. He wanted to kill everything and anything he saw, almost in a sadistic way. He would no longer just skin the game Jed and Matt brought in from hunting. He would butcher it until no one could even recognize what animal it was and I, still having the weakest stomach, couldn't stand even hearing the switchblade dig into flesh anymore.

"But what if we do? What'll you do?"

Now that is one question I won't answer. I shook my head and Danny dropped it. Truth was, I didn't know if I would be sane enough to be anywhere but a psychiatric ward. I've seen what war does to people. It tears them apart from the inside and makes them go insane. The fire was out and even though it was only October, I suddenly felt the chills. I shuddered and huddled deeper into my two layers of jackets. Matt was gone from camp, off to go scout for any Russians around our perimeter. We had plenty of meat to last us a few days so Jed didn't have to hunting. I stood up, stretching. Robert had left my rifle today where I used to put it by the campfire. It took me a while to get used to the recoil but I finally learned how to fire a gun properly last week. Much to my dismay, Jed had ordered Daryl to teach me. I didn't like the guy, no matter what he did. His personality just didn't blend very well with mine and it was excruciating trying to work with him.

"Watch for the recoil. Don't want you getting a black eye, do we?" He would say. He almost drowned me in the sea of sarcasm.

Erica and Toni sat together against a nearby log, whispering to each other. They didn't talk to me, or anyone for that matter. They would just hold the most top secret conversations no one was allowed to listen to. Even if they recognized me as the same gender and we shared a lot in common, they left me out. I didn't mind. If they ignored me, I would ignore them too. I felt something hit the back of my neck. It was a pebble.

"Ouch," I rubbed where the pebble hit me.

I heard someone laugh then a loud thud. Did I say that Robert was getting to be a bit sadistic? He made a slingshot out a rubber band and a wish-bone shaped stick a few days ago. He was probably trying it out and fell out of his spot in a split tree when he started laughing too hard. Let's just say I wasn't impressed. Aardvark was holding back his laughter. Robert managed to sit back up in between extreme fits of laughing. Daryl rolled his eyes, probably brushing it off as a childish stunt. I didn't say anything, just to contain my annoyance. If I said something, I would take the slingshot and snap it in half. I was too tired and sick for this. I had to content myself with crossing my arms and sitting back down.

"Where's your sense of humor, eh, Vanessa?" Aardvark crouched beside me, punching me in the arm. "It was a joke."

I sighed. "I know. I'm just tired." I tried smiling but that wasn't enough to convince Aardvark.

"C'mon, Robert's going to hit Daryl next with a bigger rock." He whispered, snickering as he helped me up to my feet.

Matt came back when the sun had set and night had fallen. The fire had been ignited for a while, and the deer meat was cooked. I stayed as emotionless as I could when Matt had told us whose parents had been killed. Mine were in his list but I didn't dare cry. I couldn't. Everyone's parents were dead. I didn't know about Toni or Erica's. It was heartbreaking to hear all of them sobbing and wondering why.

"Don't cry!" I jumped and scooted back against the log. I was always sensitive to people shouting. "Hold it back!" It was almost as if Jed was telling himself that instead of the others. "Let it turn to something else. Just let it turn to something else, okay?"

I was startled when he grabbed Danny by the collar of his jacket and pulled the kid away from Erica, who was struggling to comfort him. Jed kept telling him never to cry again for as long he lives. Matt leaned against a tree, arms behind his head, trying his hardest not to shed another tear. Robert just watched as Jed frightened Danny to almost no return. He was just as emotionless as I was, if not more.

"They're going to kill us! All of us!" Daryl shouted.

He was standing behind me, hands digging deep into his pockets. Robert aimed the Ak-47 he was holding at some unknown force. The horses were getting skittish at all the loud noises and I think I was getting as riled up as they were.

"So why should we be any different?" Robert asked to no one in particular.

I sneezed and coughed at the same time, which must have been awkward to look at. I wiped my nose with my sleeve and hoped it wasn't a fever coming on. Sickness kills people in wars too, you know. The night was full of so many tears that it seemed as though everyone's tear ducts wouldn't be able to produce anymore. I couldn't sleep for the death of me so I stayed up by the horses. They were gentle giants, ushering closer to my hand whenever I stroked their muzzle. They didn't bite anything but their bit, which seemed uncomfortable in their mouths. We fed them grass and wheat. We had no horse food and we weren't going to risk our lives to get any. What they received, they ate with gratitude. Toni and Erika liked to stay around them, probably because they listened to the girls more than the boys ever would.

When I got bored of petting them, I wandered around camp. It was a large one, but I didn't step outside of where I could easily grab a gun. I could never be too careful but I could be too reckless. I stood in front of the fire. It was put out for safety purposes but the embers still burned. I sat down, swiping my hair back. I should probably cut my hair. It would be better that way. If I got into a fist fight with the Russians or even my allies, it would be harder for them to grab my hair if I cut it short. I sat by the embers of the fire for a while, rubbing my hands together to get the blood flowing. Everyone was still asleep from what I could see. That calmed me, and I sighed. I could finally have some moments of silence to think. I wouldn't have to deal with Jed's loud orders or Daryl's attempts at being the know-it-all.

"You can't sleep either?" I didn't turn my head to acknowledge Danny when he took a seat next to me.

I shook my head, poking at the embers with a nearby stick to try and get the fire going again. The kid was still sniffing and wiping his eyes, scared out of his mind. I think Jed grabbing and shaking him like a ragdoll must've given the kid some emotional trauma. I wouldn't be able to think straight if anyone did that to me. When the fire didn't start again, I threw the stick into the pit. Danny and I sat in silence for a while, probably because neither of us really wanted to talk. I was surprised when he didn't start a sudden conversation about the most random thing. We sat in silence and darkness. The only sound I heard after a while was Danny readjusting his jacket and to tell you the truth, it startled me at first. I could barely see anything and every time something moved, I couldn't help but shake a bit in my boots.

"You never answered my question." Danny suddenly said.

"No, Danny, I can't sleep either." I sighed.

"No, I mean the question from earlier." What? "I asked you what you were going to do after this is over."

Was he serious? Gosh, this kid can remember everything and anything. I yawned, trying to think. Do I lie to him? Tell him I was going back to school, starting a family and living happily ever after when I knew it was going to be the exact opposite? I wonder what happened to my optimism. Maybe I'm just starting to become much more realistic in my views. I couldn't afford to be a ray of sunshine when there were people dying out there and we knew it. I couldn't see him but I could feel the gaze Danny had on me. He expected an answer and I, unfortunately being the kind person I was, wouldn't leave him hanging.

"I, honestly, don't think I'm going to make it." I said. "I'm not the fastest, strongest and definitely not the best shooter. Plus-"

"But you're really talented with medicine."

I couldn't deny that I have studied in the health and medicinal field but I wasn't talented. If I was, I would've skipped high school and been accepted to a college like the real geniuses. I was nothing but a student, who barely knew how to even look at blood without barfing up my intestines. I felt honored though, that he felt that way. It made me feel special, I guess. No one else in the group had ever taken health classes that I know of. So, I was the odd one out.

"Thanks Danny, but I don't think helping others survive will save my life." I chuckled, shaking my head.

My eyes had adjusted to the darkness but only so much that I could barely make out Danny twiddling his thumbs. I felt pity for the kid. He was younger than the rest of us, much more naïve and less inclined to be violent. I found his shoulder and placed my hand on it. I smiled, even though he probably couldn't see it.

"Tell you what, kid," I began, patting his shoulder. "If I do survive this, I want to go college and study psychology. I want to go around the world, just to explore, you know?" I paused when I could make out the approving look Danny gave me. "That a good enough answer, kid?"

"Yeah," He nodded. "Thanks."


	5. Fine and Dandy

Erica placed the back of her hand on my forehead, much to my dismay. Robert had shoved a thermometer, which came from one of the first-aid kits, in my mouth under my tongue and it was the most uncomfortable feeling. I constantly moved it around, hoping to find a comfortable spot to set it in. Erica removed her hand, giving my forehead a break from the heat. She sighed and pushed herself up on her feet from her crouching position. I was wrapped in a billion blankets and a mountain of jackets which I'm pretty sure is something you're not supposed to do with someone that has the chills. Not that I cared. I was a tiny bit warmer than I was before and I'm not about to give that up. Erica didn't even have to say anything about my incredibly hot skin to the rest of the group. They simply understood by the look she gave them. I forced a cough to break the awkward silence, nearly dropping the thermometer out of my mouth. How embarrassing.

"Look, guys, it's just a fever." I said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible while I removed the thermometer from my mouth. "A few Aspirins and I'll get through the day."

Honestly, what was so bad about taking a few pills? While the remainder of the group bickered on what they were going to do, I pushed the blankets up to my chin. Jed and Matt were gone again, hunting. Robert had elected to stay back just this once. I don't know why. He was acting weirder and weirder by the day. He had an itch for the trigger, always ready and happy to shoot anyone. I guess losing his dad really knocked a whole bunch of screws loose in his head. Robert honestly scared me. He could snap at any second and murder us all in our sleep. He was sick in the head, I knew that. Everyone knew it. We watched what we said around him, just in case.

As I lay on the ground, almost at the point of being suffocated by the blankets, I thought about what's happened in the past few days. We had made a name for ourselves; Wolverines. It was in honor of the mascot from Calumet High. We marked our won battles with Wolverines spray-painted on walls, trucks, tanks, and just plain everywhere. I honestly don't know why we did that. The guys had come up with the idea. I had gotten better with shooting a gun, and since I had played Softball, I was often given the hand grenades. I haven't shot an AK in weeks and was paired with a trusty Hunting Rifle, with a great scope. I hated it at first but soon got attached to it. Hitting someone with such a powerful bullet just felt so exhilarating. My heart pounded, my hands got clammy and I bit my lip so hard I ripped off a piece of skin. I didn't care at the time. I just felt so accomplished. I felt like I had avenged my family and everyone else's. Maybe I'm getting sick in the head, just like Robert, only it's taking me longer to realize it.

It was hard to believe that October was almost over. A month in the woods and I didn't even notice. It seemed so much shorter than a month. The blankets were over my head, shielding my face from the onslaught of wind blowing through. The group was still arguing. We only had one person who knew anything about medicine and that was me. What were we going to do without a "medic" on the field and someone got hurt? I could go and my cold wouldn't hinder my ability to shoot a gun or help someone. I wasn't that sick. Like I said, a few aspirins and I'll be okay. For a while, I didn't even bother thinking about it. By tomorrow afternoon, I'll be as healthy as a horse. I pulled the blankets off my body after it got too warm to even breathe. That's what colds do to you. They make you feel like you're in Antarctica one minute and then you feel like you're directly on the equator. It's crazy, I'm telling you.

"You're sure you'll be fine?" Aardvark asked.

I hissed when I stupidly touched the flaming hot pan over the fire. That's going to leave a mark. "No, I'm not going to be fine and I'll drop dead in the middle of reloading. Of course I'll be fine, it's nothing." My sarcasm was beginning to surface and you can thank my overexposure to Daryl for that. "A harmless cold can't kill me and you know that."

Was this meat taking too long to cook or am I just so bored of doing the same thing every day that time is moving slower? It was probably early afternoon, considering it was the hottest part of the day and the sun was in the middle of the sky. We were all situated to eat a good lunch and then go on with our daily activities. If it wasn't for the war going on, I would've thought I was at camp. A slightly demented and twisted camp but a camp, nonetheless. I stifled a laugh at the thought and brushed my hair back. Jed enforced a very strict law on tying my hair back when I was cooking. We had eaten deer, skunk, and squirrel meat. It was sometimes overcooked or undercooked and not once did anyone get food poisoning. Eating one little hair wouldn't hurt anyone.

"Sure," Robert butted into the conversation, like always. "If it gets worse, it'll definitely kill you." My semi-relaxed demeanor disappeared. "And what'll we do with the dead body?" He shrugged, chuckling sadistically.

He was scary when he got like that. Poor boy was out of his mind. I'd known Robert for a year and then some. He was such a good kid, always cracking jokes and keeping a good head on his shoulders. I guess I should mention that he loved his mom and dad more than anything. He would give up his own life and everyone else's to get them back. He was an only child, which had its perks and downfalls. He didn't have any siblings to help cushion his fall in a situation like this. I can't feel what he feels. I can't have empathy for him, only sympathy, and that just won't do anything. Maybe that's all he needs. Someone who understands what he's going through. Maybe that would make him the way he was before. Danny looked as frightened as I did at hearing Robert's rhetorical but disturbing question. Jed and Matt just exchanged looks, as if deeming our local sadist a psycho. I would have too if I didn't know him that well. Daryl, Erica and Toni had looks of disgust on their faces. I could understand why. Aardvark didn't talk again until after lunch. Because he was annoyed or scared was beyond my comprehension.

"I'll be fine," I said to what seemed like nobody but me. "I'll be fine and dandy."

November came too quickly, honestly. I didn't want to come simply because of the amount of snow that would fall. I always preferred the warmer climate of the summer and spring than the winter and fall. That was just me, though. Everyone else thought it was great for it to finally be snowing and even made mini snowmen. We had move from our camp, however, because of how elevated it was. We would be much warmer if we stayed at lower ground. We didn't move too much, and eventually decided on a great spot right beside the forest. We kept a fire going all day and all night to keep us warm. We also had a wardrobe change. I didn't like it but what was the point of complaining? I had taken my new clothes from a felled Cuban soldier. It was a difficult task washing all of the blood out but it was worth it. With these extreme conditions, we had kept as many layers on as possible. Besides, my old clothes were getting too dirty and ripped up to be wearable.

"It's too damn cold," I managed to breathe out from chattering teeth.

I sat by the fire, like always, trying to get as much heat as possible. Have you ever had a winter vacation in Calumet? If you haven't, here's my word of advice; don't. It's the coldest place you'll ever visit besides Canada and Antarctica. It wasn't even snowing yet and the wind already battered my bones.

"How the hell do people survive like this?" No matter how hard I tried to keep my jaw still, my teeth chattered louder than the birds chirping.

"They're usually prepared, you know," Danny said, adding more kindle to the fire. "They'd have thicker jackets, and more food, and less guns, and more supplies, and- "

"Shut up, Danny."


End file.
